My darling father was in a care home for three years and the staff in each of the homes he lived in said we were the only family who spent so much time with him every day in those years without fail. They said most others only come once or twice a week for less than an hour, if that. Some residents never see anyone at all.
The only time I missed was when I was in hospital seriously ill. Even then, my mother of 98 made sure she was with him as much as possible each day so he knew he was loved and wanted. Tomorrow is his funeral and this period and what we’ve seen has made me reflect on such matters.
How sad we have seen so many neglected by their families who alleged to care for their parents and grandparents, but who couldn’t be bothered with them except for when death was near and they wanted to be sure they’d benefit from the will. The staff told us this is when children and grandchildren swarmed around, despite having hardly been seen in all the years the residents had been there.
We were told by the staff and managers of the homes that they see this all the time with families and told us how lucky my father was to have a family who really loved him. They said parents are ignored, spoken to and seen only now and then they heard visitors saying false words, who never actually cared even though they could have had them living with them, but just chose not to. They just wanted to make sure they’d benefit when the time comes. It sickens them to the core seeing such families, but say it’s how most now are.
Very few were decent, honest loving children there for the right reasons. They don’t care about anything so vulgar and crass as money and inheritance, they would rather every penny was spent on their parents having the best life and care they could have. After all, it’s their home, their money, it’s what they worked for, both husband and wife. It is theirs to do with as they please.
If children get anything then fine, but decent ones never expected it as their due, just the ones eaten up with greed do. Funnily enough, we’re told those who love parents the most expect the least, it’s the ones who love others the least who always want the most.
We spoke to many people staying in the homes over the years who we used to visit too as they had no one who cared. Their stories greatly saddened us. People often pretend to be Christian people, but their behaviour and greed speaks volumes. We have seen many such people during the last years where parents could have been with their children at home and who pretend to be worried about them, but who in reality are happy to see them off their hands just so long as the money still comes their way. Their words are cheap, their deeds non existant.
The sad thing about such people is they care not for their parents in any way other than what they can get from them and out of them. Their parents know it, but are made to feel guilty. How sad to see such people filled with lack of any love, compassion, kindness or caring, just desperation to grab all they can in whatever way they can no matter the cost to the health of the one they’re trying to bully.
My family – every branch of it – is very lucky, as we know the true values of life. We care only for our loved ones that they are happy, looked after, cared for and loved to their very last breath. It’s how all our parents taught us to be. We’ve lost most of our family over a few short years and not one left behind has ever thought or talked about what they saw as their legacy and would gain by the person’s death. Not one.
Even the younger children in our family who were left with no parents or grandparents due to cancer thought about where they’d live or what would happen to them afterwards. Their only thoughts being for those who were ill and dying, who cared for and loved them, sitting with them right to the very end. How blessed and lucky are we as a family compared to those poor souls we’ve seen far too many of whose children are the opposite.
Yes, we are truly blessed, as we see so many poor souls either bullied, neglected or abused by those pretending to love them when it’s obvious to everyone else all they’re after is the money. I’m so glad my family brought us up with morals, kindness, true love and without greed in our hearts and who taught us to be generous and kind to others.
We have no guilt as we know we did all we could for them, cared for them till their last breath and never once worried about anything other than their peace of mind and comfort. My heart hangs heavy with the knowledge that most of those poor souls we saw and who we were told are treated in such ways don’t have that same peace or comfort.
We’re told by the managers/staff in care homes, and by quite a few doctors, that they witness such behaviour more often than they would like to see. My mother and I have witnessed it for ourselves and were shocked at how many were treated in such ways.
The worst was seeing people try hard to manipulate the minds of those with dementia. It is horrendous and badness in the extreme, but this too we have seen and are horrified by it. Doctors have told us this isn’t unusual where money is concerned and happens all too often.
What a way to end one’s life knowing that no one loved you and only wanted what they could get from you. To be so unhappy and scared to enjoy life by spending anything in case you were bullied about it by your children and told off for wasting money. To deliberately make anyone’s life a misery, full of stress and knowingly cause acceleration of their condition is wicked in the extreme. To do so in their final years even worse.
To do it to a parent is the more horrendous than anything I’ve ever witnessed in my life. But, bad people are bad people. At least none of us in my family or social circle have to live with the guilt of having killed our parents through stress and greed. Our family all died knowing they were loved, that they’d be missed every day of our lives and that they left behind family who lived by a good moral code and did/do everything they taught us all to be – good decent, kind and generous people who made the ends of their loved one’s life as happy as possible.
It’s what I wish for everyone, what I wish we could have given to all those poor souls we’ve seen over the last years who don’t have such kindness in their lives. How awful knowing those they gave life to have turned into greedy, manipulative and uncaring people who are only waiting for their death so they can cash in on whatever they can.
May you or your family never have to endure such treatment from those you’d expect or hope to care for and love you. I’m sure no one who follows my work or blog would be such people, but I’m sure you too sadly know some around you who are.
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