Losing my sisters and father in such a short space of time has been very hard indeed. It’s made me realise how fragile a hold we have on life and how we should try to make the most of every moment. It’s not something we’re all able to do due to circumstances in our lives, but whenever we get the chance, we need to grab life with both hands and live it to our fullest.
Everyone feels guilt or regret when a loved one dies no matter how much we’ve said or done for them. I regret not going to see the sister who died most recently in her last days. It was her choice not to see us as she’d made the effort to travel down to mum, dad and me 10 days before. It’s how she wanted it to be. I realise, she knew her time was very close and wanted this to be her goodbye to us and so had to respect it.
It was important we did it her way, no matter how hard it was not to be there at the end, as we had to make it easier for her. My dad we saw every day in his last week of life being aware. We saw him either every day or every other day for two years sitting with him singing along to his music, helping feed him and making sure he knew he was loved and was never lonely. We took him out for drives to the beach to have ice cream while watching dogs race along the sand, dive in the water or dig holes.
They were happy days, precious times all spent together, days where every second spent with him was precious, yet despite being with him every day that week, we missed the Saturday. On Sunday, just before we arrived, he became unresponsive while sitting in his chair. He’d eaten breakfast, chatted and sung to the carers as he always did, then with no warning it changed. He suddenly was unable to talk or respond. His eyes staring and glazed.
We couldn’t believe how suddenly it happened and that we’d just missed being there by only minutes. It was the beginning of the end. We still sat talking to him, mum kissing or stroking his cheek, me doing the same after she’d gone home, holding his hand and comforting him in case he could hear us. We did this each day till he died five days later – even sitting with him all night. He knew he was loved, as did both my sisters. Never for one moment did any of them know anything other than our love and peace of mind. We shared memories and thanked them for everything all through our lives.
Our whole family who have died, did so knowing they were loved and how much they’d be missed. My dad, both sisters, young niece, brother in law, aunt, uncle and cousin all lost from us in the last few short years. Not one died without love, comfort, peace of mind and as much happiness as we could share with each other despite the cruelty of what was happening to them.
My point of saying all of this is to hope everyone reading it will do the same for their loved ones. None of us knows which year, month, week or day will be ours or our loved ones last. If my family felt guilt for an odd moment not being with ours, imagine how those who have deliberately neglected their loved ones will feel. Those who made, or are making, their loved ones last years, months or weeks miserable filled with everything opposite of love, caring or kindness will have to live with their guilt. Or will they?
I cannot imagine treating any of my family in such ways, none of us could and I doubt anyone reading this could, but for other families that same love, kindness and caring isn’t there. All they give to theirs is either neglect, nastiness, worry, cruelty, bullying and abuse in many different forms. How horrendous is this, but it’s a sad reality seen all too often all over the world. People who pretend to care, but who really don’t. People who probably won’t feel guilt once their loved one dies or they’d not have been so cruel in the first place.
There is something very bad within anyone who can deliberately upset or make miserable those they’re meant to love as they near their end in this world. I thank God none of my family or friends behaves in such ways. We’ve all seen it happen with other families though haven’t we and all this death surrounding our family has made me reflect on those poor souls who aren’t so lucky. Whether they’re only getting what they’ve given out to others in life or not, I still wish they could receive the same love and kindness our family experienced.
Knowing there are people treated in such ways, makes me realise they’ll probably have no one to pray for their souls on leaving this world either. It is why, in my night prayers, I’ve always prayed for the holy souls, especially those who are most abandoned and devoid of all help. It’s why I’ve always had masses said for them too. Recent events have made me feel their sadness and neglect even more. Maybe if we all prayed for such sad souls, then more of them would be helped after leaving this world even if no one cared while they were still here. Our prayers can help them when their own families don’t care or bother to.
Death is final. Never again can you speak those kind, loving words you wish you’d said, so say them now. Never again can you give or receive that hug, share unconditional love as seen with parents and children, so share it all now. You’ll never sing together again, hear their laughter, be able to wipe away their tears or give them peace and comfort nor have them do the same for you. Do these things whenever you can for you don’t know when you won’t be able to ever again.
I was lucky, my whole family without exception are and were lucky. We have happy memories of our whole lives and their deaths so have no regrets except that silly little thing mentioned that’s really nothing to feel guilty about. They died with everyone making their last years, months, weeks and days as happy, stress and worry free as they could make them. How sad so many others are denied that love, peace of mind, comfort and freedom, being made to feel stressed all the time instead.
Yes, my family have been well blessed and I thank God we have been. We’ve not had easy lives, but our upbringing, our belief in God, in an afterlife where we know goodness, generosity, kindness and humility mean we will be rewarded and allowed to share in Gods heavenly kingdom, has brought those of us left behind on losing our loved ones comfort and peace of mind. Not only did they die happy and at peace just as they lived, but they’re hopefully, now enjoying their rewards.
How much nicer is that than those who only gave out only badness, greed, cruelty, selfishness and arrogance through their lives and so received the same from others as they approached the end of their lives here. We know such people will sadly have an unhappy death, but they’ll also reap the results of what they’ve sown with their behaviour after leaving this world. Paradise and God’s welcome will not be for them. How sad this makes me.
Think about your family, your loved ones and your own lives. Which end of life will you choose for you and yours? Which type of last years and last breath will you give your loved ones? Happy and at peace, or stressed and full of angst? Paradise and rewards, or punishments and permanent suffering? It doesn’t matter how they might have lived, how bad or neglectful they might have been, do you need to be the same?
The choice is theirs and yours, just as it is and was for me and my whole family. The life you live, the way you treat your family and others is what will decide your fate. Who would choose badness over good; permanent punishments in hell over rewards of heaven? Who would want Satan to win souls for himself rather than let God have them?
Death has a way of making one reflect on life and all the deaths in my family have made me do just that very thing. Yes, I’m very blessed to have had the family I did, to still have the now very few who are still here, to have only good memories of them and with them and to know that we can honestly say we made sure no one lived or died knowing anything other than peace, love, kindness and comfort from us.
Im sure most of you reading this can say the same, but for those who can’t, it’s never too late. You too can do the same for your family. Change while you still have time, as you never know how long you or they will still all be together. Don’t have regrets and wish you’d done it differently after it’s too late. Make every second count now while you still have the chance.
How you made them feel at the end of their life and in their death, is how you’ll feel when they’ve gone. It’s also what you’ll probably end up finding is in store for you too as your children see your behaviour remember. They look to you for their example of how to treat others. What you sow is what you will one day reap. It’s also called Karma. Make the right choices and do the right thing while you still have the chance
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