I am showing excerpts from my books for those who haven’t ever looked them up or seen them. I started with the last post, My Relationship With God. This one is taken from, Touched by Heaven started in 2015, but published in 2018
Friday 22nd July 2016 – Me, journal entry
Where do I even start to speak about what happened to me last night? It is such a mixture and not able to be talked of easily or even with making any sense. The experience I had was overwhelming in so many ways, but incredible at the same time. Mixtures of emotions were felt that made me sit at peace, then cry, followed by light hearted smiling and slight laughter, as though light of heart and mind.
It lasted just over an hour, yet seemed as though it was only fifteen to twenty minutes. Every part of it was witnessed by Terri. I’d contacted her and asked her to come on Skype to see if she could see anything – she did see. In fact, she saw and felt quite a bit. I’m still not sure what happened or what they (heavenly beings) were doing, but I’ll try to explain what was going on.
I was about to turn off my laptop and go to bed when I felt a breeze on my left arm. At first I ignored it thinking it from an open door or window. Then it registered, it was almost eleven o’clock at night and no windows or doors were open. My husband had already gone to bed securing the house. As this fact registered, the breeze became really rather strong and was accompanied by a feeling of someone standing behind me.
I knew there was someone or something to my left and could smell lavender. The smell was so very strong. As well as this, there was now also someone standing right behind me, almost as though they were touching me they were so close. Everything felt calm, warm and at peace, but I sensed something was about to happen. I immediately contacted Terri and asked her to Skype me straight away. She did within seconds. What followed was quite incredible.
In the message I’d sent her, I’d told her there was a breeze on my left arm and wanted her to see if there was anyone next to me. I did this, because in the past while speaking on Skype, there had been a rare occasion a heavenly presence would surround me. When the presence was behind me, Terri would be able to see what was there, usually an angel, but once or twice what appeared to be saints.
This time, as soon as she called, we sat silently. Me at my desk feeling a very strong presence, Terri watching. The first thing she told me she saw, was what she thought appeared to be Padre Pio standing next to my left side.
As she said this quietly, I could feel whoever was behind me move even closer. It was like more than one person or heavenly being was around me at this point. Terri’s quietness and reverence as she spoke, showed me she too was in awe of what was happening and of what she was seeing – of what we were once again both experiencing.
It isn’t the first time this has happened to us over the years. God has allowed us to sometimes share what’s happened to me for some reason. Terri is so very blessed with an ability to see what’s happening to me and to sometimes experience part of the feelings overwhelming me.
I feel and experience it, while she describes what’s happening. Both of us always feel immense emotions of awe and reverence come upon us at such times. Our voices are softer, the tone more hushed than the way we normally speak to each other. We’re aware of being in the presence of something so holy, so sacred, that we’re incapable of speaking or behaving in any other way.
It really is quite extraordinary for two people to share such things as we are allowed to on some occasions. There is a deep connection with us that we feel God is allowing for a specific purpose. Not least of all to confirm to us both it is not from our imaginations. It is these shared experiences that allow us both to have confirmation what each is experiencing is real, seen and experienced from different perspectives.
What happened to me this time was so much stronger than any time before. My head started to tingle very gently, as though someone had their hands either side of it – almost like giving healing. I was sitting with my head bowed slightly, unable to move from that position. I was staring down towards my desk unable to lift my head up to look straight ahead. By this, I don’t mean literally unable to, just that I knew I had to sit still in this position and allow ‘them’ to do what it was they were here to do.
How strange does that sound for goodness sake? Terri could see them and counted six people standing behind me. She then said the strangest thing to me. Almost with a voice of awe, she described colours she was seeing and said they were too high for her.
Asking what she meant about being too high, she said these ‘beings’, for want of a better word, were so high they were of far too high a level for her to be able to see or know anything of – and yet she was seeing. Then she explained what she meant.
She said there was movement of something moving around me like a film being played, but playing at such fast speed she was unable to work out anything being shown in the film. She knew something was happening, but wasn’t allowed to see exactly what. The figures and colours were all she could make out.
During this happening and while she described it, I received a knowing, a knowing that the next few months were to be important in some way. While I was feeling this, I kept seeing a vision, a vision of an arched window with lots of panes of glass. Everything was glowing so white and so pure. Glowing as nothing I’ve seen before and there was gold. Faint traces here and there of gold outlining things.
I cannot explain what was happening, as I don’t really know what was, but I was aware this vision lasted a while, maybe a minute or so and while it was there, I knew I was being filled with something still remaining elusive. It’s as though I was being shown, but at the same time not allowed to see just yet, but in time would be allowed to. For now, it was being put into me for when that time came.
What on earth do those words sound like and how badly I’ve tried to explain it, but I don’t know how else to. As I sat there, still with head bowed, Terri suddenly saw something else. She was seeing steps leading up to a what appeared to be a makeshift platform or stage area that seemed to have been set up somewhere. On it were quite a few people and more were walking up to it. She had no idea what this was about.
Then she clearly saw another man appear next to me who she thought was my uncle George, the priest who died a couple of years ago. She said he was wearing his black shirt and dog collar and kept looking sideways as though looking at her to show her he was now here beside me too.
Then she was shown lots of priests all standing there. Many men she said in clerical clothes and wearing their dog collars. It was later on and nearing the end of the experience she told me she could then see another man of the cloth, but this time with a wide brimmed hat. He was holding an envelope in his hands and for some reason, had both hands on it. He was holding it at either end as though showing or presenting it – to me or someone else? She wasn’t sure, she just felt he was presenting it to someone.
Anyway, I felt the presence next to me and behind me for what turned out to be over an hour. What was happening and what I was feeling kept changing. At first it was how I described and I could feel the slight tingling like little pin pricks all over my arms and the hair on my head. This lasted some time – it felt a long time and yet not a long time. I know that makes no sense, but I know what it means so am putting it down here as a record anyway.
I felt I was being filled with something, but have no idea what. At first I thought it was healing and maybe it was, because at one point later on, I could feel the movement of where I was being touched change to the middle of my chest. As it did, I started to cough in ways I had back when I was unwell earlier this year. Maybe they were healing something that still might be wrong there – I have no idea. I just know I had a sudden spell of coughing, as I could feel them doing something with my chest area.
Then, the slight breeze was back on my arms. It was as though in between what they were doing someone was standing behind me and cupping the tops of my arms in their hands. It felt like they were giving comfort or just passing their energy and strength into me. Then it changed again. Hands back on my head, very gently, so gentle as to almost not be there, but I knew it was. I had a sudden feeling of emotion and felt my eyes well up with tears for no reason I could fathom. As soon as I felt it, it was gone again, leaving me puzzled why it had happened.
Just after this feeling went I knew without a doubt something was pouring into me. As it was pouring in, I saw visions in my head that were making me feel awe struck, but they were weird visions. Visions I knew I was receiving, but at the same time I was unable to work out what they were or what I was seeing.
I could see them, but I couldn’t. It’s as though I was allowed to see, but not properly as the time is not quite yet, but it will be soon. Even though I couldn’t see anything to make out what was being shown to me, I was still awestruck by the enormity of it. How can that be, and yet it was. What do I mean by this and what do I mean the time is soon, but not quite yet? I’ve no idea, I just know that to be true. The time for what though?
All I knew, was at the same time I was receiving them, I felt in awe of what I was being told. I was given knowledge that life is to change in major ways for me somehow and there are things coming to astound me. I feel something is to start or happen in the next few months or so, but have no idea what those changes will entail. Work, personal life, spiritual growth or something else? Maybe a mixture of all those things. I have no idea, but I do think work is related in it somewhere.
There was a variety of movement and feelings as they moved in close touching various places: my head, between my shoulder blades, middle of my chest, my lower calves and feet, the small of my back. All places where I have health problems and issues. All the while these various places were being touched I could feel coldness on me. In between each session they held my upper arms and cradled them.
There were various things I felt, saw and knew, but the largest were two experiences during the whole time this was going on that stood out amongst the rest for being so much more intense. First of all there was the one filled with a knowledge of things to come. Those things were not detailed, but filled me with awe as already described.
The second was where I suddenly felt filled with emotions not of this world. I cannot even describe what those emotions were, as there is nothing at all that can describe them. No words would be able to explain it, as it was nothing of this world and yet it was, so there are no words for it. How complex does that sound? Not of this world yet it was of this world. This sounds contradictory even to me, but having experienced it I know what I mean, but can’t for one moment expect others to.
As before at the start when I briefly felt my eyes water and a fleeting emotion sweep over me for seconds, this now was the same feeling only it continued. I was crying and unable not to. Not crying in ways we’d do if upset, but tears were streaming and more flowed quickly as I wiped them away.
Terri told me after this was all over that I kept repeating “it’s too much, it’s too much”. She apparently answered me saying they wouldn’t give me more than I could accept. I have no recollection of me saying those words or her response to them. None whatsoever.
Other things I can recall saying as I described to her what was happening, just as I am now, and she described to me what she was seeing. It’s as though this had to be shared so it could be recorded from both sides of the person receiving such things and the one allowed to witness it.
Once before has anything so big been witnessed, but that was only at the start, in between and at the end of something else just as heavenly and emotional. It was the time I was on Skype to Terri and Lynda when the saints appeared to me in the visions with all the words I received at the same time. This has already been documented elsewhere.
I had cut the call as it started, but not before Terri had recognised what was happening to me. I sent her what I’d received and she picked up on my emotions in part. We spoke briefly in between visions and knowledge due to me not realising more was to follow.
When something so big happens, it can sometimes come in two parts with a few minutes in between. After it had all finished and I went to speak with her, my emotions and demeanour meant I could not speak or carry on normal conversation no matter how much I tried. I was still in what I suppose you’d call a state of ecstasy.
That time Terri was allowed to feel the emotions I was feeling, but to a lesser extent. Both of us then had to walk away and be alone we were so overwhelmed by emotions – again not of this world.
This time, she wasn’t allowed to feel anything, just witness what was happening and see various things happening around me. Only I was allowed to feel everything that time. We’d had other times before with angels she’d seen around me and other smaller shared experiences, but this was very different. This was huge.
During all that happened last night Terri told me of colours she saw – first purple, royal blue then gold and white. Bright and apparently, glowing all around me. This sounds too much like fanciful colours those forcing issues believe they see, but these were colours not of this world and of hues no man could copy or produce.
I haven’t made any of that sound how it actually felt and was, but again, I can’t find any words to describe it. I just feel I have to write it down for some reason, but how incredible was last night. How completely incredible.
I went to bed soon after and was lying there having finished my night prayers still in awe and complete bewilderment of why such things happen to me. I’m unable to tell anyone what my actual feelings and emotions are when such things happen, because it feels so real and yet so unreal at the same time.
I know it happens, but am at a loss to understand why such things should be happening to me. Why me, what on earth could I ever have done in my life to deserve such special graces as these most surely are?
Before I went to bed, I stood at the kitchen sink after it had happened looking out of the window and up at the night sky. I never turned any lights on, due to the light from the moon being enough to cast a glow on the room. I stood looking up at the clouds reflecting with light from the moon and was struggling to take in all I’d just experienced or make any sense of it.
Did it happen or was it in my mind? I know it happened, but what was it exactly? I still wasn’t sure. It was there, but it wasn’t. I know no one will understand that comment, but I do. It was almost surreal and yet I know it did happen. It was like being here and yet somewhere else at the same time. It’s almost as though, dare I say, heaven came to visit and a little part of it was in my room with me.
Most peculiar. The feeling of people standing right up close to me was intense yet peaceful and not one bit concerning, in fact, it was the total opposite. It was an acceptance of their being there, as though I know they always are and that they just step close to me now and then to let me know they are. This sounds so fanciful to say, but I am positive these were either angels or very high heavenly beings with a momentous task entrusted to them. How could I be a part of any such thing though? And yet I had been – so had Terri.
I was able at certain points to tell Terri what was happening, at other times I knew I had to stop talking and allow them to do whatever it was they were doing. It feels weird to say this – but then everything I’m saying will sound weird – but I feel at one point they were filling me with protection. Why on earth would I need protection to such a degree?
This stage seemed to go on forever. I could feel an intensity at this point and the seriousness of what was happening, despite not being too sure exactly what was happening. I just knew it was intense and needed to be taken seriously for how important it was. I know it was something given to me that others aren’t and yet I don’t know what it was, what it was for nor when it would be needed.
This doesn’t make sense. None of what I’m saying will make sense to anyone and I have to apologise for this if anyone reads it, but I don’t know how else to describe what happened. If I can’t quite work out all the different things that were happening, how on earth am I meant to explain them to anyone else?
I’m not sure if I’ll ever be told what last night was all about, but maybe as and when situations happen – if they do – some of it will become clear in how it’s handled at the time. I have no idea. All I know is I had one of my intense supernatural experiences happen last night and Terri witnessed it happening.
Why she was allowed to this time I have no idea, but for some reason, I feel she too has to record what happened to go with what I’ve just written myself. I’m not sure if Terri’s side will ever be seen or heard of from her directly, but if so, maybe between us some of it will make a little sense to others. I do hope so, but very much doubt it.
One thing I am most grateful for is that Terri was alone at the time this was happening. Usually, her husband and daughter would be sitting near her at that time of day and yet they had gone out. Had I known what was to have happened I wouldn’t have asked her to call me, but neither of us had any idea at the start what was to happen and what it would develop into.
There have been times before – not many – when I have asked her to look at what is behind me, but this is something I would never in a million years want anyone else to see. I wasn’t even able to think about that aspect at the time it all started though, as reality blended into the background for the other matters to come forward. It was only after it was all over it occurred to me her husband and daughter might be there. I was horrified as soon as that thought came to my mind. Horrified and ashamed of what they may have seen.
I feel ashamed for reasons I can’t explain. I know it isn’t from anything bad and I haven’t encouraged it or asked for it to happen, but it seems somehow wrong anyone should share in it or know about it. It is something so precious of God and so intensely private that it somehow sullies it to share and speak of such things. Yet I know I have to. Keeping it private these days is not a luxury I have any more. It was once back many years ago, but not these days.
For some reason I now have to share these private moments with the world. Why, I have no idea. It is not an easy thing to do, but I have to be obedient in all ways and at all times. The ridiculous thing about having to share it is the fact no one seems interested – especially in the Church. This makes it even more puzzling to me due to me seeing them believing others who don’t appear to be having anything happening to them anywhere near as intense as I am.
There is one small tiny aspect I have left out till now, just one and it’s one I haven’t even told Terri yet. There was one moment, a very brief moment when I saw a vision of what appeared to be Satan’s face staring directly at me. It was surrounded by a frame of fire.
That sounds so clichéd doesn’t it, which is why I never said a word to Terri about it. The picture has just been brought to my mind again and they’re telling me to make a note of it, so again, I am doing as I’m told. What it meant, again I’ve no idea for sure, but I do have an idea what it might mean.