It’s in Their Eyes

For a total change, here is a chapter from one of my fiction books. Not what you’d expect from me maybe. I’m told the sequel, Hartford is even better than book one It’s in Their Eyes

Chapter 1

     Gemma’s story starts with her earliest memories – in fact most likely before that. From childhood her every day life was like living a nightmare, only she didn’t know it then. What was happening to her was all she knew. With nothing to compare it to, she had no reason to believe anyone else’s childhood was any different. What was done to her and what she had to do was her normal life. Men would be brought in for her to ‘service’ for want of a better word. The people who brought them to her were her mother and father. At least she believed they were her mother and father. For all she knew, it could be this too was a lie, just like everything else in her life. She didn’t like what happened and liked it even less when men made her do things that made her feel sick or want to gag, but she mustn’t do either. It made the man and woman she knew as parents angry and she’d be punished.

     It wasn’t always like this, she hadn’t had to do anything in her earliest memories, just let them come in and look at her. Quite often they’d touch her in places she didn’t like, but sometimes they would just look. Then, she’d had no idea why or what it was they were doing as they looked, but now she did. Once she’d got old enough, she’d run away. She had never been to school – didn’t even know there were such things at the time. In fact, when she’d left the house that day, it was the first time she’d seen more than the house and back garden. She’d never been anywhere outside and the only people she’d ever met were the men who came to see her.

     The visits happened more and more the older she got. She’d then been made to do even more things she didn’t want to remember now. To allow them to do things that hurt, push things inside her, but she knew better than to cry.

Then there had been the worst time ever. Gemma had been offered to the highest bidder for the ultimate prize – her virginity. Although too young, her mother’s greed at the huge sums offered made her put Gemma up for auction well before she should have. It was open to everyone, not just the regulars, and word had spread quickly. The fact she was still so young had upped the price greatly. Gemma might have heard talk about it, but hadn’t known what it meant – not until the day it actually happened. The man concerned had been allowed to put his “thing” in her instead of other items. She had cried out, couldn’t help it, as he hurt her badly. Her mother had held her down while the man did it to her. She’d been left bloodied, sore and badly hurt.

     Later punished for having screamed, she was locked in the dungeon. Eventually, a doctor had come to see her. He was one of the men who came to her himself from time to time. He didn’t do much, said her mother had left it too long before seeking help and she’d have to not let her be used for some time. His words had made her mother angrier than normal. It meant no money being made and she took it out on Gemma, leaving her in the dungeon longer than ever as punishment. She’d eventually ignored the advice and after a few days, put Gemma back to work. What had been done then and since were the worst times. It still hurt when others did it the same way the stranger had, sometimes a lot, but not like the first time. She knew not to cry out again, had learned to lie still and wait until it was over. Sometimes it would be over very quickly and other times it seemed to last forever.

     Through all of this, she would make up stories in her head. She would go to places in her mind where the house was a nice house and the mummy and daddy didn’t bring men to see her like hers did. Some of the men weren’t nice and these were the times her mind would take her even further away. Sometimes, she’d forget to bring her mind back before her parents came in the room and if the men complained, she’d be beaten after they’d gone. Those beatings were worth the escape she’d had though, as they made her life a nicer place to be in – even if it was only for a short time.

     It was when there had been lots of people in the house she’d managed to leave. She didn’t know what they were all doing there and had never known it happen before, but there was lots of drinking and shouting. She knew there was drinking, as daddy had forgotten to lock the door to her room when he’d come up to give her some food – probably because he’d been drinking too. She knew about alcohol, some of the men who came to her smelled of it and it made her feel sick when they breathed the fumes all over her. They behaved different when they’d had a few drinks too. Some were nicer and others would be rougher and much crueller. When Gemma realised the door hadn’t been locked, she’d waited a while until she was sure it wasn’t a trap. That he wasn’t waiting outside ready to beat her if she opened it. Putting her ear to the door, she listened for some time, before reassuring herself he wasn’t there and the only noises were coming from downstairs. At first, she’d only wanted to escape the room for a short while and see if she could see anyone or what was happening – why so many people were there.

     There was a large crowd of men and women in the front room and as she stood at the top of the stairs, another four arrived. They opened the front door and just walked straight in without ringing the doorbell. It was seeing them walk in so easily that shocked her. The front door was kept locked at all times. She’d never seen anyone use it till today and here they were walking in so casually, as if they lived here. The longer she stood there, the more her eyes were drawn to the door, wandering what lay beyond it. She’d never been able to even look out of the windows. The one in her bedroom was blacked out to stop her seeing out – or others seeing in maybe. Without even realising she’d started to move, she found herself running down the stairs. All she wanted to do was open the door and see what was outside. She’d run, hoping to get there before anyone saw and stopped her. She had to get to the door and open it. Looking outside would be enough for her and being locked in her room or beaten afterwards would be worth it.

     No one did see her. As she passed where they were, she could see the people called her parents. They were standing laughing and filling glasses for their guests. She had no idea why she always thought they might not be her real parents. Maybe it was wishful thinking they weren’t, because of how they treated her; what they made her do. She’d always dreamed of a mummy and daddy who didn’t make her do those things – had thought a real mummy and daddy wouldn’t. Something deep inside made her feel detached from them and she didn’t know why, but they were her mummy and daddy whether she liked it or not. She opened the door before they could see her and walked onto the front step. She had to walk through the door because she’d have been easily seen if she’d stood on the inside. Once on the outside step, she could see rows of houses opposite standing in a tree lined road that seemed to go on forever in one direction, but which stopped and disappeared around a corner in the other. She was filled with awe. It was huge. She never realised there was so much out there. The size of the houses opposite, the trees, the road and even the sky seemed to go on forever. In her back garden there was a very high fence, which meant she couldn’t see far at all. Just a bit of the sky and the branch of a tree overhanging into their garden from next door. One branch was all she’d ever seen and here were trees full of branches. She ran down the steps as fast as her legs would carry her. Reaching the first tree, she just wanted to touch it and see what it felt like.

     Her small hand touched it gingerly. Using just the fingertips at first, she rested her fingers on it then pulled them back quickly. Realising it hadn’t hurt her, she slowly placed them back there, letting them stay this time and allowing herself to feel. Laying the palm of her hand flat, she dragged it over the bark, feeling it gently scratch her hand and yet almost tickle it at the same time. With a jolt, like she’d been struck by lightning, she jerked her hand back quickly, realising what she was doing and where she was. Her heart started to pound. She was in full view of the house she’d just walked out from. If any of them were to look out of the window, they’d see her clear as day. Terrified, her eyes bulging with fear, Gemma started to run. She had no thoughts in her head of where to go apart from getting out of sight. Running towards the corner, she reached it quite quickly and ran around it and out of sight of any searching eyes. Once she felt safe enough to stop, she stood still at last. Bending from the waist both hands were resting on her knees, the child was completely out of breath and panting for air. She’d no idea how far she’d run, but neither her legs nor lungs could take her any further. She just hoped this was far enough away.

     What had she done – what did she do now? She stood there panting and gasping for breath, realising what had happened. She’d run away from home. She hadn’t meant to, not known it was going to happen, but had done it all the same. The thing was, now what? Did she go back and risk getting beaten badly or didn’t she? Goodness knows what else they’d do as well as a beating for something as bad as this. But if she didn’t go back, what else could she do? Besides, could she even find her way back? Gemma had never been outside the house and didn’t know if she’d remember it again, or even how to get back there. All she could remember was keeping running and had no idea how far she’d come or if it was even in a straight line.

     This was a place so huge and full of things never seen before – it scared her now. Things were flying along roads she knew were cars. She knew this because her parents had one. She’d never been in it, but she’d heard them talk about it, hearing it start up when they went out. Seeing them was scary. They went so fast and were very noisy. People were everywhere she looked. So many people. Some were rushing, others walking slower, weighed down with bags full of something they seemed to be struggling with. No one was standing still – only she was. This was making some of them look at her, making her nervous. Why were they looking at her like that and how could she stop them?

     Getting her breath back, she slowly straightened up and glanced around properly. It had been easy to open the front door and look out, to step through it onto the top step. The easiest bit of all though had been going down those steps to the tree, as she hadn’t even been aware she’d been doing so until she reached it. It had been an involuntary thing that had just happened and now look where she was. Not knowing what to do, she started walking, trying to draw as little attention to herself as possible. Maybe if she kept moving as they were, they’d stop looking at her. Each step took her further and further away from the only place and life she knew. Eventually, realising none of this nightmare she’d found herself in would go away, she stopped and looked around. She had no idea where she was or what to do next. She was even more lost now than before.

     Seeing so much happening around her, it was overwhelming. The happiness she’d felt at being free suddenly changed. Gemma’s tired legs folded under her. She sat on the ground staring around her in panic and confusion trying to make herself as small as possible. By sitting and trying to look even smaller than she was, she believed this would somehow protect her while she worked out what to do. The thing was, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know where she was, or where to go, had never felt so lost and alone in her life. This was too much and wishing she’d never opened the door, burst into floods of tears. Being locked in her room and never seeing anything of this frightening outside world, now seemed a place of safety – despite all the bad things that happened in there. That was a world she understood, but this was all new and scary. She didn’t know how to make it all go away and make things better again. As the small child sat there crying, head slumped on her knees, she was oblivious to the stares of the passing crowds who, though seeing her so upset, all decided to ignore the distressed little girl. All that is apart from one man.

     He’d been walking along deep in thought, when ahead of him, he’d seen a skinny little blonde girl sitting on the ground and crying. Her hair looked very tangled as it hung down her back and her bony little legs looked like they’d have trouble holding her up if she tried to stand. He didn’t think he’d ever seen such a sad and neglected looking child before. He’d stopped to watch for a while to see who she was with and what would happen. No one came near her. Everyone passing by was looking, but ignoring her. The sobbing was getting louder. There was something that looked not quite right. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but this didn’t look like a child who’d been told off and was upset, it seemed something more – but what? Maybe it was the fact he’d thought she looked neglected which was bothering him. He might be wrong and he hoped he was, but unlike the others, he felt he couldn’t ignore her. Walking quickly and with purpose, he strode towards the poor little mite.