There comes a time in life one must learn it is best to walk away rather than keep working at something that will never change. No matter how hard we work at certain things, try to do what is right or to help others, there are times our efforts will not be accepted or respected. In fact, those efforts and deeds can end up being abused.
To love one’s neighbour as thyself is so important for all of us to try to do. It doesn’t matter how much we dislike them or their deeds, God asks us to love everyone. Nowhere did He say we had to like them though.
Then there is forgiveness. Jesus was asked how many times one should forgive those who trespass against us:-
“21Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” Matthew 18: 21-22
The thing with that is we assume those people have asked us for forgiveness. That they have repented what they have done or said to us or against us, but what if they haven’t? What if they continue to knowingly hurt, abuse and lie about us and never be sorry for doing so, what then?
The same is to be said in such cases. We must still love them, but have no need to like them. Forgiveness is one thing, but to remain in contact with or seeing those who lie, abuse or hurt us is another matter entirely. There comes a time when one has to realise that we have to cut all ties from such people or events in our life. They have ceased to become worthy of our attempts to love, help and care for them.
Lives can be lost and wasted on such people who don’t care at all what becomes of us due to their own selfishness or badness. Walking away and leaving such badness behind is often hard to do, but once done, a freedom is given to us that comes in and replaces the continued pain and hurt in our hearts with peace and love. You can do that.
There are those we all know who like to make everything we say or do about them when it isn’t. This is usually a reflection on their own guilt and nothing to do with you, or how you are thinking or feeling. This is what often happens with priests, whose parishioners think the sermon is aimed at them individually.
Anyone thinking such things should recognise they are the ones doing something wrong in that case. It is they who need to be looking at their own behaviour and not the words or deeds said by others that were aimed at people in general.
God has seen the truth, He knows what has been said and done and by whom and for how long. He knows what was right and wrong and who did what. Do not feel that because we are told to love thy neighbour as thyself it is an order to continually be abused mentally or physically – it isn’t.
Nowhere does God say you have to stay in contact with people who behave in such ways. Nor do you have to continue to help them when that help or care is thrown back at you. There is working at relationships and friendships and there is knowing when those efforts are a total waste of time.
We aren’t talking about people who don’t know they are being abusive (as the mentally ill), we are talking of those who know exactly what they are doing and who know they are deliberately hurting others – or trying to.
Work hard at making things work by all means. Don’t walk away from things at the first signs of trouble or hurt. Try to work through them. Talk to your friends or abusers; those who have lied about you or hurt you in other ways. Try to see what lies behind it – or even who.
It isn’t always the ones who abuse who felt that way in the first place. It can be others who plant seeds into their minds, seeds that are then left there to be nurtured so they grow out of all proportion. Basically, as the saying goes, they load the bullets and leave the other one to fire the gun while they sit back and watch the results.
Too many people are living in ways others want of them, rather than living their own or how they’d like to. They bend over backwards to do all they can for others; their friends, family, husband, wife and anyone else needing help. Who looks after them though? Who cares about their needs and protects them?
If you are one such person in an abusive relationship, no matter in what form it takes or who it’s with, it is time to take a look at your life. Stand back and look at it as others would see it. Are you still doing as God asks of you, or have you now become a victim in the process of your good deeds? Is it time to walk away and cut all ties?
God doesn’t want you to be a victim and live only how another dictates to you. He doesn’t ask that of you or anyone. He doesn’t ask for you to be lied about, abused, hurt, attacked, controlled or any other thing that causes pain. If this is done to strangers it is bad enough, done to those who have been the only ones to care for the abusers makes things so much worse.
It is time to walk away. You have done all you can, you have cared for, nurtured, protected and helped wherever you can and it has been thrown back at you time after time. Leopard’s don’t ever change their spots. This abuse will keep happening and will never stop with certain people until you make it stop. That can only happen once you close that door.
Most people respect and are grateful for good people in their lives and don’t abuse their kindness or them. God knows there are few enough kind people these days. Sadly, not all are the same and there are a lot of psychopaths and sociopaths out there who feed off hurting others for their own satisfaction or a need to feel superior.
The important thing is for you to recognise people with such patterns of behaviour. Sadly, most of us don’t until the damage is done, but it is never too late. The situation may well have been a large part of your life for various reasons; lessons to be learned as long as they needed to be for one thing, but once you recognise what has been happening, it is time to close those doors. You owe it to yourself and God to do what you were put here for and move on to the next step.
All lessons come to an end. It is recognising when they have that’s important and many of us don’t straight away. Selflessness is one thing, as is kindness to others, but once we become a victim we have taken that selflessness too far. No one admires a victim. No one is interested in what they see as being self-inflicted and nor is God.
Pick yourself up, close those doors and open new ones with new beginnings. You can still be kind and selfless, but from now on, you will only offer it to those who won’t abuse it. You have been taught the signs to watch for and now, hopefully, will not allow them to take hold or even happen as they once did before.
You are now in charge. You are the one in control and no one can take that from you. From today, take control of your life. Take that power back that belongs to you and decide to never give it away to others to use and abuse you so freely ever again. From now on, this is about you and the others have ceased to exist in your life.